You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I understand Curling. That high.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
