you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Pooping to opera.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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