Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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