Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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