I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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