Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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