Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
