I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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