a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
