Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
