She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
