tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize