So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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