Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
