I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
