mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
