all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
