My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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