he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
