I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
