he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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