Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
