that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
