Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
