Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
