I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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