I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
