it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
