woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's never too late to be topless.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
