tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
