I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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