he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
