McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
