the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
