I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
