I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
