Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize