ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
