I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
