A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
