he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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