my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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