phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
