Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize