Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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