let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
