U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
