**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
