Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
