Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
