i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
