Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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