The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
