Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
