I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
