her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my being single is dangerous.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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