We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
