Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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