Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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