Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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