no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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