He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
