im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
