sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
