I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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