he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
