so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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