I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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