i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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