Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
