Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
