Your mouth is God's brothel.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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